The Future Was Then...
Dear Friends, Husband, Family, Self.
This is the blog I promised I would start...in 2007. If you recall, and I know you do, I did in fact "make a big deal about this supposed blog." I did "yak your ears off" about all of my "brilliant" ideas, and then I did "diddly squat" with it.
In my defense, I have always said I was going to do things I never got around to.
There was that time I was going to be a "world-famous florist." That cost me almost $400 in mangled flowers in a single weekend! Or a "medieval scholar specializing in the Roman history of intramural London." It took me years to fail at that dream! Or my ill-fated plan to become a "Nobel-Prize winning playwright who only wrote comedies about failed suicide attempts.' In hindsight, I want to thank you all for crushing that dream...
And I think we all remember the cafe I was going to build at the base of Volcanoes National Park: "Haute Cocoa, it will be called." I proclaimed with grandiosity. "A hot chocolate cafe that specializes in only the hautest of imported cocoa."
By the time I actually sat down to start my "Pulitzer-Bound blog," I took a little walk around the internet to discover that every blog had already been written. Fashion blogs, travel blogs, fitness blogs, beauty blogs, political blogs, Brony blogs (thousands and thousands of Brony blogs). All of my best friends have blogs, and they are great. But a world in which my friend Dan has a successful blog listing the video games he plays each week is a world that has no room for any more voices.
And then I found myself moving to Prattville, Alabama. And like any very cool (some might say *devastatingly cool* and impossibly well-prepared woman, I found myself googling "What is cool in Prattville, Alabama," "Things to do in Prattville, Alabama." The most common Google answer was, "Absolutely nothing, Jessica. There is nothing for you. Because you never follow through with anything. And you don't even know where Alabama is, exactly."
Well, I found out where Alabama was, and eventually I found out what is cool to do in Prattville, according to a super-secret insider's-only blog called TripAdvisor.com.
But other than this, I found nothing more than a Wikipedia entry on my new hometown. I assumed that as a bustling military community, there would be lots of blogs from military families who were making this same move. Nope. Crickets of the internet.
Well, to be fair, there *is* a very active white supremacist blog based out of Prattville. Maybe if I can commit to my own blog, the white supremacist guy and I can hang out, share adwords, discuss methods for finding our literary voice in a digital world... I'll make him my Mexican grandmother's atole (haute cocoa for poor Mexicans), he can make me squirrel casserole. We'll realize our differences are not as great as the things that unite us...It's gonna be great!
So I finally have my calling, my mission, my raison d'être (as I would call it at Haute Cocoa): to write the blog that I was looking for! To go to every one of those 17 Things To Do in Prattville and report on them for future impossibly cool girls! To be the foremost non-white-supremacist blogger of central Prattville township!
To-Do List of 2007...I'm coming for you!